I spent a loooooong time today cleaning out my gmail inbox, although by “cleaning out” I really mean “filing all the unread/unanswered emails away so that I’m not looking at them every morning and feeling guilty about what a slacker I am.” So maybe I should say I rearranged my inbox. That would be more accurate, I think.
(If you have emailed me in the past, oh, six months, particularly about anything related to this blog, I AM SO SO SORRY. Because odds are I just never got back to you. But I still love you! Really! And I still have your email! And one day, I will answer it. I promise.)
There’s been a lot going on at my house over the past year or so, and a lot of it has not exactly been fun. Or funny. And that’s made it hard to figure out what to write about. Before you start worrying, no, Wade and I are not getting a divorce (thank god) and no one is dying (thank god again) and we’ve both still got our jobs (seriously, THANK GOD). The essential fabric of my life is holding together nicely, which is good, because I’ve been hiding out in my house a lot, rearranging my closet and just trying to get my act together.
And no one wants to hear about that. Seriously.
So what am I doing all day every day? Well, I’m pretty much just trying to survive middle school and puberty and all the things that come with having a teenage boy in the house — and, to make it more fun, I have a teen with ADHD and an anxiety disorder, which means that he was already hepped up even before the testosterone kicked in.
So…that’s fun. (NOT.)
This new adventure in parenting leaves me questioning everything, on a daily basis — my rules, my words, my strategies. When my kids were little, people would say (annoyingly) that being a stay-home mom was the “most important job” I could have. And I would joke that I was doing my best to get fired from that job and failing, over and over. Haha! But recently, I slog through the days feeling completely unqualified to do this. I do not know who ever thought I was capable of parenting these kids. Because I am here to tell you that I have no idea what I am doing. None. At all!
Or at least, that’s what it feels like most of the time.
In that frame of mind, then, I find it impossible to answer all the lovely emails asking about what to wear to a wedding, or what to pack on vacation, or what to buy for fall. I don’t know. I just…don’t know. I am barely getting myself dressed every day, and even then I’m just wearing the same boring things over and over because I don’t have the energy to make any sort of creative decision. Shorts it is! Again!
On top of that, I don’t have any advice for anyone, about anything, and I’m pretty sure that even if I did offer advice, it would be the wrong advice. Because seriously, I’m just making it up as I go along over here. All of it. Every day.
I do miss writing, though, and to my surprise, I miss writing about my kids, and about being a parent. I thought I was done with the Mommy Blogging thing, but it turns out I am not. I’m writing a weekly column for Work It, Mom! called The Same, But Different; it’s a chronicle of the ups and downs of parenting a quirky teen. I do not have any answers or advice; I’m just talking my way through this experience and hoping that helps me figure out what to do next.
The best part so far is this: I’ve started to hear from moms of kids like my son, saying that they are also struggling with the same issues; honestly, that is so comforting. Because most of the time, it feels like I am alone in this, which makes it hard to talk about — and leaves me with very little to say.
I’m also starting to make lists of things to write about here at The Working Closet, too, just little things, which probably won’t be of much use to anyone but me, but I think that, like cleaning my closet when I’m anxious, writing about my fave new pants or my nail polish obsession or what I’m eating now is a good way to both distract myself and stay focused. I don’t know that I’ll be offering any advice just now, though. Maybe we can crowd source your style questions and see what you can all say to help each other.
I think that might be fun for all of us.
(And really, thank you all for the emails. You’re all so lovely. And I’m sure that whatever you wound up buying/packing/wearing looked fantastic.)